Every child is at a different stage in their communication journey, and YOU know your child better than anyone else! When it comes to discussing feelings, even the most confident, well-spoken child may have difficulty even if it's with the person they know best. In Australia mental health related diagnosis in children is increasing, so it's never been more important to know if and when your child might be struggling. As a mother of 4 children (each of whom exhibit entirely different skills and preferences when it comes to communication) and in conjunction with my own studies in child development and psychology, I have put together a list of strategies for keeping communication channels open with your child when it comes to their mental health. These work best if they are done regularly, so that you and your child have a special routine way that you keep in touch with each other about the 'big' stuff.
1. Visuals
Simple emojis or pictures of real people showing emotions. It is sometimes much easier to point to the feeling you relate to than finding words that describe the jumbled emotions inside. Once your child has identified the feeling, you can then make a decision about whether further questions would be appropriate, or if you can offer them space or advise.
2. Journal / Parent pen-pals
This is one of my favourites because it is so versatile. My son finds talking challenging at the best of times, and he's not a big writer either. However, we have a secret journal that only we know about. He knows that if ever he is having big feelings, this is a place he can put them for me to find. Sometimes he fills it with single words, sometimes a picture or a scribble. He then leaves it in an agreed place for me to find. I can then leave him a message. Sometimes my message states something reassuring like 'we'll get through this together' or ít might state a suggestion for fixing a problem. Other times I might approach him and say that I'd love to have a chat if, and when he feels ready. In the back of this book I keep a list of situations that seem to cause big emotions, this helps me detect patterns in behaviour and identify the usual triggers. This means I can often help my boy avoid big emotions as I can try to make sure trigger environments are avoided.
3. Th-emotion-meter
A thermometer- for emotions. This is often used in classrooms and other settings where children find their emotional state can change quickly. With green showing happy, orange showing anxiety or stress levels are starting to rise, and red showing that they are not coping anymore. If you hang this up in your home, your child can move the arrow or level to where they need throughout the day. This indication will let you know what's going on for your child and when you might need to intervene. It's important to acknowledge the green zones too by stating things like I’ve noticed you've had a great morning. God job!" You can even use this to ask questions such as "What's kept you so happy today?" You can then use this information to assist more stressful parts of the day is needed.
4. Let’s talk APD- Acknowledge. Present. Discuss.
If you have a child who is content with talking, that's awesome. I have a very chatty little girl, and she has no problem telling me what's going on in her world, big or small! Like every child though, not everything she says is the best way to be looking at a situation. When this happens, I have learnt the importance of avoiding statements such as "that's not right" or not letting her finish speaking because she's got it all wrong. The truth is, whatever she's saying to me is her perspective, and it will be far more helpful for me to understand this perspective in order to resolve a problem. I find it helps if I can regurgitate much of what she tells me, this is Acknowledgment. Saying things like Ï get it, you're angry because..." This usually calms the atmosphere a lot, and gives me the perfect moment to Present a new way of looking at the problem. Discussing this is then the easy part. Just remember to keep using the APD rule throughout your conversation. 🙂
I hope some of these suggestions are new to you and prove helpful! These are very interesting times we live in and so often children pick up on the stress of their adult family members. So working through emotions with your child, can also assist us as grown-ups. 😊
